Going in Circles

Here we are - two for two on our streaks.  Susan wrote the blog last night - I'm up tonight...and we've both hit our exercise goals each day/night (tonight was post sushi for dinner - not the best idea!).  I've been thinking a lot about this blog lately and I'm kind of glad we're forcing ourselves to do this everyday again.  We've been bad about not updating it - it shouldn't take our "streak" to do so.  This blog was so helpful to me last year - it came at a perfect time during which I was lost with no one really to talk to.  Putting thoughts and feelings down here was therapeutic.  But, here we are a year later - coming full-circle in some ways...though in others, certainly not.  I'll try to provide some perspective. 

Thinking about today versus a year ago.  Do I still get upset?  Of course.  Will that ever change?  Perhaps not.  Did I ever think in my worst nightmare that we'd have to go through all of this crap?  Absolutely not.  The past year was pretty terrible - I won't lie.  Learning of his diagnosis, dealing with all of the surreal doctors' visits in the dark corners of Children's Hospital and then the screams, tears and frustrations of our little boy - our baby - while we forced him to work and to do things that are hard for him (easy for most), while most other kids his age just get to be babies.  Thinking about what challenges he'll face growing up (will he ride a bike, play basketball, drive a car) and into adulthood and beyond.  And then trying to put up a good front when we haven't always felt that way has been exhausting at times.   

But, looking at where we are today, I think we're in an okay place.  We have figured out a schedule, we have figured out the things we need to do, we have figured out who and where we can turn in times of need.  Noah has been making a lot of progress lately, and we're really proud - both of him and ourselves.  And that's okay to say - we deserve to say it.  Hopefully you saw that video in last night's post (if not check it out below).  He literally only learned to pull himself up to standing two weeks ago!  Now he's cruising around behind a toy like he's been doing it for months.  While he's a little delayed in his speech (as was somewhat expected), he's babbling away with around 15 real words - and he seems to understand many more.  Everyone seems to think he's right on schedule cognitively (if not even a bit ahead). 

Perhaps most importantly, Susan, Noah and I laugh together each and every day - he is often quite a little clown (I can't imagine where he gets that from!).  And in these times, I often have to remember to bring myself full-circle...to stop thinking and worrying about some things now, at this point in time - and to just enjoy Noah as he is...our amazing baby boy.