May 11, 2011 - Running Alone

Tough night for us - after much deliberation, we made the very difficult decision to give Baxter the Dog to another family.  We are saddened to have to part with our Baxter - we've had him since he was a little 7-week old puppy until today, just over 2 years old.  We dropped him off this evening.  The house seems empty and quiet.  We know that it is the right decision for us and for Baxter, but it doesn't make it much easier tonight...I'm sure for a little while.  All of our focus needs to be on Noah and his therapy and it was just getting to be unfair to Baxter as we weren't able to give him the attention he needs and deserves.

Baxter's new family is absolutely wonderful and we couldn't have asked for a better situation for him.  They love does, have a big fenced in yard and have the kind of activity in their house that Baxter will love. Susan used to work with M and knew that she, her husband and 3 kids would dog sit quite often.  Susan reached out when we decided to look into finding Baxter a new home to see if M might know anyone looking for a dog, and wouldn't you know it, they actually had been since Christmas.  So, we brought Baxter for a brief visit a couple weeks ago and then for a play date this past Sunday.  It turns out that Baxter is a spitting image of their old dog.  We agreed that evening that Baxter would move in tonight.  They live in town - not far away - and hopefully we can see Baxter every once in a while (though we need to be especially careful at the beginning so we don't further confuse the poor guy further). 

Tonight was the first night that I streaked by myself - Baxter the Dog had been with me each time.  The run was a little easier without his propensity for getting distracted by whatever wildlife we ran past, but it was also a little lonely.  Not unlike the feelings Susan and I have had from time-to-time since learning of Noah's diagnosis.  Our family and friends - even people we would consider acquaintances - are there for us and have surprised us with how thoughtful and generous those in our life can be.  However, it's impossible for most to truly understand what we're going through as we try to find our way.  As such, we have felt like we've been running alone from time-to-time.  Again - we know we're not, but it's hard not to feel that way sometimes.  Will this feeling ever change?  Will it get easier?  Will we ever get our normal lives back?  Only time will tell, but tonight I'm just not sure...